A Dressing of Change

It was our first month living in the US, and our tenth years of marriage. It seems to me at that period of marriage, nothing would surprise me anymore, even though our life had just about to enter a new chapter of adventure in America. I love my husband very much, and I am content that he loves me back just the way I need it. Everything seems perfect to us, nothing more than our regular ups and downs. My husband is an angel. And I always think that our marriage sustains beautifully more because of his nature rather than mine. That’s the way I had perceived it, the way that was like a comfort zone to me, until that particular evening, when we had a casual dinner, in a casual restaurant.

The restaurant was very busy and crowded. “Look honey, the rib eye steak seems tempting”, my hubby exclaimed as we stared at the fancy menu card. He said that to me in a manner of approval-seeking. “Yup, so let’s pick that. I’m about to take the crispy shrimps”, I responded enthusiastically. It’s our habit to order meals for two that both are desirable to me, since I always want to try any new stuff we find at a restaurant. My hubby has always been so kind and understanding to let me choose what I want to try, as long as he can enjoy it too. As far as I know, his choice is always so flexible and that he is more than happy to share meal that satisfies my curiosity. A waiter approached us with a friendly grin, “Are you guys ready?” The guy was very warm and friendly despite of his juggling service between the demanding customers.

“So what do you want for your dressing, Sir?” he asked my hubby for the salad he chose. Before my husband responded, I heard my voice asking, “What do you have?” The waiter mentioned thousand islands, ranch, honey mustard, and some more. Being only familiar with thousand islands, my hubby picked it, which I cut immediately, almost automatically, “No, darling, it’s better the ranch”. Thousand-islands is just too fatty”. Actually, claiming about fatty was only my justification to try what I assumed as the new one for me, between the other dressings that have been known to me. However, it was just out of our habit that my hubby would pick anything I want to try. Unexpectedly, the waiter was overwhelmed, lamenting to my husband, “You know Sir, my father has been married for three times, and all his wives had tried to take everything from him, believe me”. He then came back with two kinds of dressing, ranch and thousand-island, special for my hubby. Something he would not do in daily circumstances, obviously because he sympathized with what he might feel as a victim of a dictator wife.

My hubby was perfectly okay, as usual, but I was not. During his service to our table, while going back and fro, the friendly waiter kept ‘teasing’ my spouse that he won’t get anything he wanted without my permission. I felt that the waiter had hated me for being so authoritarian to my spouse. I was too embarrassed to response. Never in my life had I imagined to have such harsh comments. But from that moment I realized how serious my habit to pick everything just for satisfying me in the sight of others is. How many years I have overlooked my selfishness? Just because my husband is okay with all his sacrifice to fulfill my needs, it doesn’t mean that I am justified to neglect his rights, his desire, his choice. One day, I might come back to that restaurant, trying to find the cynical waiter and thanking him. It was not his fault for being cynical that night. He had just shown me a knowledge I have missed for years in my marriage, knowledge of knowing myself and of giving respect my soul mate deserves.

Houston,October 2009